Here is something that i wrote on my iPhone, while on a metro bus in Los Angeles. I gave myself a twenty-minute time limit during this quick stream-of-conscious writing practice.
Jacob sat in the waiting room, along with two other outsiders who were reading the brochure, interested in the services that they seen in today’s newspaper. “Mr. Brimble?” the secretary called for him, “You can go in now.” She said with a smile. He grabbed his briefcase that he had been carrying from work as he proceeded to the back area.
He entered n furnished with just a desk and two office chairs. He took a seat and faced the back of a man staring outside of his window to a wonderful view of the city. The gentleman slowly turned in his seat with a smile similar to the secretary. “Life sure is beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked.
“It is.” Jacob Brimble nodded.
“Hello, my name is Allister Benton, how are today?” the gentleman extended his hand. Jacob shook with a smile.
“Doing well, thank you.” he replied.
“Now why did you say that?” Allister asked. “Think about that for a moment. We are living in the worst of times, some of us having to take shit from our bosses, then, come home and have to take more shit from our ungrateful wives. Life sucks for most of us these days, yet, when someone ask us how are we, we always respond by lying, as if everything is really just fine. It’s all a game, a long drawn out game, and we play our parts, waking up in the morning and putting on our mask and costume, lying, smiling and shuffling, to entertain each other, and the funny part is that the people that we entertain are doing the same damn thing for us. It’s sad and funny at the same time.”
Jacob chuckled while clutching his briefcase. His body language showed anxiety, unsure if he should open up or if any of this was for real.
“Why are you here, Mr. Brimble?” the salesman asked while placing both hands on the desk.
“Well, for what your ad is selling, i guess i would say.”
“No, see, we do offer our services, but tell me your story, i want to know what was it that made you leave your job and come here instead of going straight home this afternoon.”
“I guess I would say that I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” he replied.
“Of what? Your job, your family?”
“Everything.” Jacob replied with anger in his voice. “I just…” Jacob pauses to gather his thoughts… “I’m just sick of it all, you know? I’m sick of being stepped on and people telling me “oh hey kid, that’s just life.” I’m sick of helping people who don’t’ want to be helped. I’m sick of wasting my time and energy into people who don’t give a damn about me. I’ve spent my entire life being the superman of my family and the soul provider and the backbone of my relationship. I go to work every day, even holidays, just to keep the lights on, put food on the table and make sure that my wife is comfortable and happy, yet I cant shake the feeling that none of what i do is good enough for you, and that she may be seeing someone else behind my back. People may say that I’m crazy for thinking that, but it sure as hell does feel that way.
Some say that I care too much, maybe they’re right. I can’t help but be concerned with how my wife feels in our marriage, and what I can do to make things better. I can’t help but to give and provide for my family, even if they continue to ask and they never give back. I can;t help but to feel emotions when my boss sends me into that room to look another man in the eye and tell him he is being fired. I feel as if I’m not supposed to be here. I feel as if I care too much.
But what is too much? How am I supposed to care less? Sure, I can say it, but how does one care less and control how much he cares for the people he loves? How do I not feel emotions? Continue Reading