Maybe God hates us, Maybe God hates me,
– So he curses the grounds where I bury my seed.
You cried yourself to sleep.
I stood motionless
That doesn’t mean that I’m emotionless
My heart quietly weeps.
At night I think about it more
Laying next to you, staring at the back of your head
My eyes blood red, saddened to the core, cursing at the ceiling,
I swear… I’m losing feeling
I don’t know how many losses I can wheel in,
Before I turn to the Devil for healing.
— // —
It’s been a while since we last spoke or seen each other. I wrote a million letters and called your phone a thousand times. Nobody ever answers, and it’s frustrating to live without you. How can I become a man without male guidance?
I’m missing pieces to my puzzle, and you took them when you left us in the gutter. I’ve suffered for years, trying to live a decent life. I’ve had setbacks and was forced to develop slower than others. Look at me, twenty-six years old, still trying to find myself.
And all you had to do was be there for me. I rarely asked for anything from you. I always took the hits like a champ. The jungle made my skin tougher, scarred and bruised. My heart is darker, wicked, and plagued with the evils.
I’ve gone my entire life searching for someone that always knew where I was. What the fuck?
You could have contacted me at any time, yet you stay hiding in the cut like a bitch. And I thought that I could look up to you.
I more I learn about you, the more I don’t know about you. I put you on a pedistal, created a great man. Now I realize that you ain’t shit, I gave you energy and power. You’re a myth. My thoughts give you life, you’re dead without me.
So I won’t think about you any longer, you’re finished. I’ve realize there is nothing to you… There really is nothing to you. Waited for your presence forever, and look, nothing. Everytime I reach out, you say nothing. I’m used to it.
You’re nonexistent. You’re nothing, you’re shit. I can replace you, I don’t need you, I’m better than you. How does it feel to know that I am better than you?
I’ve prayed to you forever, and all you’ve ever done was take my energy and never gave me anything in return.
Father, help me, I’m drowning. Will you watch me die? I search for you at my funeral, and you didn’t show up. A fatherless child, but it’s cool, I really don’t need you. Everytime I look to the sky I feel nothing.
— // —
What do you think about when you’re cheating on we?
– Do you think about him?
– or do you think about me?
How do you split your heart between to men?
Do you give more to me?
or give it all to him?
Tell me what you get from him that I don’t give already.
What took him years to do with you,
I done did already.
I thought you were done with him, and ready to move forward,
Now he’s at your doorstep, and you let him step forward.
Killing everything that we had to play around in the past,
Trust me baby, that game won’t last.
When it’s over, you’ll come running back,
To give it all to me.
I’m onto you’re shit, and I see what you see.
What you don’t realize is that,
When we made a strong connection,
Intuitions enhanced, now I am you’re reflection.
You can look in the mirror and practice your lying face,
But Karma comes harder for the abuser, just wait.
— // —
It’s cold outside, and my heart grows colder.
Praying to the lord with the devil on my shoulder
Give me the strength to overcome this,
The ghetto’s trynna kill me, please take me from it.
Mama damned me and cast me out to suffer
It’s hard on the streets when you’re searching for supper.
I take refuge in the village of the damned.
And I dance with wolves as we silence the lambs.
See all I know is death, tragedy and much suffering.
What the streets taught me?
Just how to inflict pain when they come to take from me.
I told my sister if I die don’t have a wake for me.
My father no showed my funeral on the sixth,
He stayed at home, crying on the couch like a bitch.
I’m having visions of my death.
Two niggahs catch my slippin’
Leave me in my own blood, dripping, taking my last breath.
So I call on the lord.
God, please pick up, I need you more than ever before.
I’ll forever remember the day when that car hit her.
And it feels like yesterday, I still miss her.
They say that the good die young,
Fuck that, Send her back.
You didn’t have to take her like that
And everybody cried when she died,
They treated her wrong,
Now look at ’em, they’re dying inside.
Now god, if your listening, let’s make a little wager,
My life for her’s back.
Please do me that favor.
God, are you listening?
please pick up, I need a savior.
Ninety-five on the highway to hell.
No direction, pedal to the metal, oh well.
I shrug my shoulders at logic and sense.
I don’t care about shit, unless it has to do with dollars and cents.
Mama I took a wrong turn,
Now I’m on the darkside playing in fire,
Watching my flesh burn.
God damn I say some wicked shit.
I’m verbally abusive
Ah, fuck your feelings
They never did shit for me
I don’t need no healing.
I am naturally a corruptor
The root of evil grows in my heart
And blossoms in my brain
I’m posessed by devils
I make you love me, then I leave you
Please help me find my way out
Stop the evil that comes from my mouth.
I fall to my knees and pray often,
God, please pick up, I’m calling.
I need you now.
I am posessed,
In a dead man’s bed, his spirit watched as I fucked his son’s wife and left the house in his socks
Wow, what am I doing? I’ve become a monster.
This ain’t the way that Grandma raised me,
I’m on a downward spiral, and I might turn, maybe.
I call on God again, I get the voicemail.
Please call back soon, it’s hot in hell.
— // —